Marissa,
It's come to my attention that I haven't seen you in forever. The latest indicators have been:
- I can’t recall the last time I saw you in person. (author’s note: it’s probably only been 2 weeks since I saw Marissa when we shared an awkward wave at a dance party before my group left prematurely)
- "Betos" or "Hiking the Y" have never been offered as possible suggestions of what we should do when it's late at night in quite some time.
- Our Love Sack pillow smells like “dude” and not your Vanilla Perfume goodness....
Instead of waiting for the opportunity to catch up in person, I thought I’d blogify the experience of how it'd happen......
(Marissa leaves the HBLL. Adam enters the HBLL to mix up the studying routine. You know how it is....)
M: Adam!
A: Marissa? Hey, I haven’t seen you in like forever!
M: Wow Adam! Did you quit you job and become a baker? because you’ve got some hot buns! How’ve you been?
A: Great! (At this point I would probably say something about 1 of 3 subjects that dominate the "on-campus catching up" conversation: 1. School 2. Work 3. Dealings with the Opposite Sex)
1. School
Okay, let's be honest: this is the least interesting of the three. When choosing this option it usually goes something like this at BYU, “Blah blah blah I’m super busy. Blah blah hard…..blah blah Mid-terms… blah blah…papers…blah blah unicorns** ”
**author's note: okay that last one doesn't usually come up. But it makes you wonder: where are those animal’s remains? I would be way more interested in going to a “Unicorn Museum” instead of a “Dinosaur Museum” I’m looking at you Indiana Jones……no, seriously. Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Unicorns (oooooh….maybe not Hollywood enough…) ….That Happen to be Cursed and Protected by Mummies That Explode and Stuff . I think honestly it writes itself....
Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Unicorns That Happen to Be Cursed and Protected by Mummies that Explode and Stuff!
(I seriously wrote this and then found the picture. Apparently, however, some 9 year old girl was way ahead of me)
I know this because this has always been my response. Turns out, everyone is busy and everyone has hard classes. However, for the first time in my life, I feel excluded from my this demographic of conversationalists! I’m loving life/classes. This could also have to do with the fact that last year's Junior core drained my time and soul ( It was like my soul had been split and divided into horcruxes without the benefit of potentially being resurrected. But seriously, I think my life expectancy is like 7 years shorter now.) It's like how laid back the crew seemed to be in Ocean's 12 than in 11. In 11, they were robbing stuff and being important to make bank. In 12, I think they were like "No one's really watching this anyway....so let's just chill."
Talking to you at the beginning of the semester, it sounded like this was not the case for you; in which case, you have my condolenses and you can text me for crepes whenever you need them.. (Another perk of the Adam Friendship package!)
Some of this might also have to do with the fact that I’m graduating, and recruiters aren’t really going to be looking at my grades after this semester.
Which leads me to……
2. Work
Apparently this (unofficial/official?) Lost Boy has to get a job and try to “contribute” to society (whatever that means right?). The career adviser always relates how interviewing for a job is like the dating process:
Resume= Application for a Date
Interviews= Dates
Job Offer= Engagement
Usuing this analogy, I’ve been dating two fine ladies : Ernst and Young and Deloitte. Honestly, it's sort of been a role reversal from my normal dating experiences. They initiate all phone calls, they pick up the tab at dinner and the cab fare. I admit, it's been kind of tough since it's been a long-distance relationship (they're both in Washington D.C), but they've been cool about it and even paid for my flights to go down and see them (Dating rich girls is nice!)
What's been the interest in me? I honestly think they were impressed by the fact that it will have taken me 8 years to become get my bachelor’s. But who knows......
I, honestly, still can't believe they're even considering me. Mostly because...
A. I've had to restrain myself from responding to the question, ” “What’s your greatest weakness?” with “Kryptonite”
B. Every airplane ride when I sit next to the "business guy" and he sees me dressed as his equal, I feel a sudden need to try and validate myself by saying something business-y like, "Did you see the Dow this morning? Oooh, glad I got out when I did." or "How's your portfolio?" All of which would be immediately discredited when I watch reruns of "Pinky and the Brain" the rest of the trip.......Oh, Pinky and your shananigans!
C. Everytime I enter my hotel room, I start jumping on my the bed a la "Dumb and Dumber"....
3. Dealings with the Opposite Sex
In my case this means girls. And yeaaaaaah, I still don’t get them. Girls are like all Jackson Pollock Paintings: I think they're wonderful and admire the heck out of them....... but I honestly don't understand them at all...
(seriously, what is the guy going for here?)
So, in closing, this has been fun, but I'd rather actually do this in person sometime. Take care!
- Adam
