Kids, don't try this at Church.....

Let's be clear.  I'm deeply religious, and Mormon (...as if the name "Mormon and Proud" doesn't give it away..)  However, I am also human, and sometimes, despite my best intentions, I doodle, scribble, or altogether write sheets of nothingness on my paper at church on occasion. Yesterday was one of those occasions.

Below is my "Church Journal" blogified. Please forgive my irreverence and for changing from first to third person in the narrative.  I meant no harm...

Church Log

10/23/2011

9:34- Kirt officially dozes off

9:35- Joe makes a lame attempt to join him in "Dreamland," before choosing to remain conscious.... probably out of fear of being "Incepted"

9:37- Speaker's "Poke-you" joke kills!

9:39- Joe relates to me how he assumed I was super spiritual today since I brought a notebook and pen to take notes at church

9:40- For the first time in his life, Joe feels the sensation of  being "wrong."

9:41- Speaker says, "I'm not saying you can't take naps on Sunday..."

9:42- Kirt noddingly agrees...

9:43- Like an infectious virus, Jarom catches the "Sleep Monster Bug" due most likely from not washing his hands after sitting next to Kirt.

9:49- Blonde-haired guy with purple shirt (Hey!  we just moved into the ward so go easy on the judgement, ok?) becomes latest victim.  Probably his own fault seeing how everyone knows purple shirts are the weakest against viruses....

9:50- Joe corrects me and informs me the shirt is actually pink.  Suddenly,  I begin regretting not paying attention more to Kirt's sister, Sydney, and her discussion about "Color Blindness" yesterday...

9:53- Perhaps inspired by the music, Adam feels sudden urge to sign Tim's cast/bandage

9:54- Adam begins to weigh repercussions of hurting his hand to get out of playing goalie this Saturday....

9:56- The realization that the speaker's major is bigger than her settles in on the congregation (Anita is approximately 5'2 and her major had approximately 6 dashes or slashes when describing her major.  I'm not good with conversions so you do the math...)

9: 57 through 10:07- I actually listen attentively and enjoy Anita's introductory story and reflect on how it applies to my life and other aspects of the gospel....

10:08- Disappointed that I haven't written in my "Church Journal" in a while, Joe judges me for trying to learn spiritual things in Sacrament.  It's at this moment that I understand what "unrighteous judgement" means on a whole new level.

10:09- Kirt wakes up from round 2 of "Dreamsville." Claims, "the virus was WAY more ferocious the second time."

10:12- The closing prayer is said and sacrament meeting concludes.  

The End

Catching Up

Marissa,

It's come to my attention that I haven't seen you in forever. The latest indicators have been: 

1.  I can’t recall the last time I saw you in person. (author’s note: it’s probably only been 2 weeks since I saw Marissa when we shared an  awkward wave at a dance party before my group left prematurely)
2. "Betos" or "Hiking the Y" have never been offered as possible suggestions of what we should do when it's late at night in quite some time.
3.  Our Love Sack pillow smells like “dude” and not your Vanilla Perfume goodness....

Instead of waiting for the opportunity to catch up in person,  I thought I’d blogify the experience of how it'd happen......

(Marissa leaves the HBLL.  Adam enters the HBLL to mix up the studying routine.  You know how it is....)

M: Adam!

A: Marissa? Hey, I haven’t seen you in like forever!

M: Wow Adam! Did you quit you job and become a baker? because you’ve got some hot buns!  How’ve you been?

A: Great!  (At this point I would probably say something about 1 of 3 subjects that dominate the "on-campus catching up" conversation: 1. School 2. Work 3. Dealings with the Opposite Sex)

1.    School

Okay, let's be honest: this is the least interesting of the three.  When choosing this option it usually goes something like this at BYU, “Blah blah blah I’m super busy. Blah blah hard…..blah blah Mid-terms… blah blah…papers…blah blah unicorns** ” 

**author's note: okay that last one doesn't usually come up.  But it makes you wonder: where are those animal’s remains?  I would be way more interested in going to a “Unicorn Museum” instead of a “Dinosaur Museum”  I’m looking at you Indiana Jones……no, seriously.  Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Unicorns (oooooh….maybe not Hollywood enough…)  ….That Happen to be Cursed and Protected by Mummies That Explode and Stuff . I think honestly it writes itself....

Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Unicorns That Happen to Be Cursed and Protected by Mummies that Explode and Stuff!

(I seriously wrote this and then found the picture. Apparently, however, some 9 year old girl was way ahead of me)

I know this because this has always been my response.    Turns out, everyone is busy and everyone has hard classes. However, for the first time in my life, I feel excluded from my this demographic of conversationalists!  I’m  loving life/classes. This could also have to do with the fact that  last year's Junior core  drained my time and soul ( It was like my soul had been split and divided into horcruxes without the benefit of potentially being resurrected.  But seriously, I think my life expectancy is like 7 years shorter now.) It's like how laid back the crew seemed to be in Ocean's 12 than in 11.  In 11, they were robbing stuff and being important to make bank.  In 12, I think they were like "No one's really watching this anyway....so let's just chill."

Talking to you at the beginning of the semester, it sounded like this was not the case for you; in which case, you have my condolenses and you can text me for crepes whenever you need them.. (Another perk of the Adam Friendship package!)

Some of this might also have to do with the fact that I’m graduating, and recruiters aren’t really going to be looking at my grades after this semester.  

Which leads me to……

2.      Work

Apparently this (unofficial/official?) Lost Boy has to get a job and try to “contribute” to society (whatever that means right?).  The career adviser always relates how interviewing for a job is like the dating process:

Resume= Application for a Date

Interviews=  Dates

Job Offer= Engagement

Usuing this analogy, I’ve been dating two fine ladies : Ernst and Young and Deloitte.  Honestly, it's sort of been a role reversal from my normal dating experiences. They initiate all phone calls, they pick up the tab at dinner and the cab fare.  I admit, it's been kind of tough since it's been a long-distance relationship (they're both in Washington D.C), but they've been  cool about it and even paid for my flights to go down and see them (Dating rich girls is nice!)

What's been the interest in me? I honestly think they were impressed by the fact that it will have taken me 8 years to become get my bachelor’s. But who knows......

I, honestly, still can't believe they're even considering me.  Mostly because...

A. I've had to restrain myself  from responding to the question, ” “What’s your greatest weakness?” with “Kryptonite”  

B. Every airplane ride when I sit next to the "business guy" and he sees me dressed as his equal, I feel a sudden need to try and validate myself by saying something business-y like, "Did you see the Dow this morning? Oooh, glad I got out when I did." or  "How's your portfolio?" All of which would be immediately discredited when I watch reruns of "Pinky and the Brain" the rest of the trip.......Oh, Pinky and your shananigans!

C.  Everytime I enter my hotel room, I start jumping on my the bed a la "Dumb and Dumber"....

3. Dealings with the Opposite Sex

In my case this means girls. And yeaaaaaah, I still don’t get them.  Girls are like all Jackson Pollock Paintings: I think they're wonderful and admire the heck out of them....... but I honestly don't understand them at all...

(seriously, what is the guy going for here?)

So, in closing,  this has been fun, but I'd rather actually do this in person sometime.  Take care!

- Adam

Birthday Follower Shout Out: Emma Harper!!!!

Once upon a there was a girl named Emma who became our friend, cemented that friendship by following MAP, and then continued gracing us with her presence and smile.  There is no climax to that story because, like the story, Emma is just even-keeled awesomeness.

As promised to our followers,  we are honoring Emma's birth with a blogging shout-out!

In an attempt for Emma to truly have a "Happy Birthday," below is  a non-comprehensive list of things that make Emma happy!



#1. The LoveSac

I might have to re-do the story at the beginning because she actually might have made friends with the LoveSac before us....

#2.  Her Rockin' Hair and the Ability it has to do this in the pool*:

* The author is not implying nor suggesting that Emma's hair has the power or ability to dye its tips blonde by merely being in the pool.  However, this does not undermine its supernatural power to shape itself and go 80s rockers style all over ya!

#3 - #74 Wedding Chapels!!!!

Driving through chapel-filled Vegas with Emma  is like taking a dog to a tennis ball store run by postal workers. I'm convinced that Emma's cloud in heaven will decorated with gentle white chapels at every corner.



#75. Constellations

Emma has the innate ability to discover constellations and their corresponding stories.  While many astronomers are baffled at how they missed these celestial treasures, I think I found one that even Emma may have missed:

Happy Birthday From MAP Emma!!!!

Single or Desperate?

Someone hung this sign on the Dojo last night:

So apparently the official status is not single or desperate, but Singe. Whoever wrote that must have either been a really really bad speller or wrote it really late at night(maybe around 2am).

Ok, cats out of the bag, it was me and Amanda. We thought we would give our friend Kirt a hand and advertise his singleness a little bit...And we figured the best way to do this would be to post this gorgeous picture of him on everyone's doors:

photo cred: Gentry Davies

Snap this up quick ladies! You should already have his number, it's on the bottom of the flyer on your door.

Special Guest Blogger: From Jodi, With Love

Hello people of MAP! If you were getting bored of Adam and Marissa writing love letters to each other you're in for a treat today. A few weeks ago Adam presented me with my own pair of blogging glasses and the opportunity to guest blog on his own rapidly growing, wildly popular blog. I took the assignment seriously and started out by getting professional headshots with my new glasses.

I put the glasses on and began brainstorming things to blog about since Adam gave me full reign on this one. The power of the glasses came to me and ideas started coursing through my mind. A discussion of the finer points of 19th century feminist literature, creating a tutorial on torrenting (they always say the best way to solidify a new skill is to teach it to others), or a video of me singing "Superbass" along with a lyric interpretation all crossed my mind but I thought I needed to do something more personal on this one. I pondered this on the metro and started noticing some similarities and differences between my two good friends and the Russians and decided to blog about this instead.

Why Marissa and Adam do/do not belong in Russia:

Marrisa:

Does fit in because she has adorable shoes and all the girls here wear cute shoes all the time. They also have a tendency to meticulously match their purses to their shoes, down to the same pattern, but I haven't seen Marissa do this. They have TONS of shoe stores and oxford heels are all the rage right now. I'm determined to get a pair soon.

Doesn't fit in because she doesn't dye her hair. Particularly she doesn't dye it this horrible reddish orange color that people are obsessed with over here. I just don't get it. It is so ugly. Thank you for having beautiful hair, Marissa.


Does fit in because she can pull off a pretty convincing death glare, even though she is actually really sweet =]

Adam:

Does fit in because he is tall. I looked up the average height of Russians and it turns out they are actually 2 inches shorter than Americans on average, but I am convinced the large babushka population for skews the data because I am constantly in awe of how tall people are here.

Does fit in because he is a bad parker. It is pretty frightening to be in a car with a Russian driver because they make up their own lanes and cut people off like it's no body's business, but somehow the system works just fine (Adam does NOT drive like a Russian). But when I saw this car I couldn't help but laugh because it looks just like how Adam parks.

Doesn't fit in because he has the biggest smile in the world.

And in closing, a poem of Russia.

Violets are red

Roses are blue

In Soviet Russia flower smell you.

End of Summer....

"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
 - Helen Keller

 Goodbye Summer 2011!  May we "Party Rock" all Fall long!

Blogging: Sunday Edition

In Relief Society we have this thing called, "Tender Mercies Moment" we also have at least 3 other "sharing moments," but this is the most important one because it's what we do first and it always involves the most oohing, aahing, and general gasping of all the females in the room. I told Adam about this and introduced him to the idea and we thought we could do the same for our blog.  We hope that it causes you to ooh, aah, and gasp in happiness at the the amazing things we find to be grateful for each week. 

Things we are grateful for this week

1. Adam is alive.  More details to come but let's just say Adam could be mistaken for the "Boy who lived"..... (TEASER ALERT!!)

2. Shark week has changed us for the better.....

3. Jodi turned another year older.....well, almost....

4. Having a place to live..... well, for the next four days

5.  Work.... ( Sometimes if I say things enough it comes true.  Love my work, love my work, love my work...)

6. Gentry really, really, really remembers his girlfriend's birthday.

7. Mothers and the way they supports us (shout out Mommy Gina and Mama Chris)

8...... ellipsis. Gosh I love them..........

9.  The red line that appears when you misspell a word...like ellipsis.....

10.  All 15 followers and how they tell their friends:) hint, hint ;)

11. Gentry's secret love of Dashboard

12. Amanda's secret life

13. The fact that it's impossible to not smile after watching the Snicker Serenade....

14. Tim's Mad Interpretive Sign Language Skills

15. MONDAYS(Since it's technically a Monday now.......................)